The History of Toilet Paper

No, this is not an educational article about when and where toilet paper was first made, or who was the first person to use it. This is a far more simple telling of the life of a single roll of toilet paper, whose last remnants are sitting in a "Kraft Easy Mac" box on my kitchen counter.

This roll of toilet paper was "born" just before Thanksgiving when I pulled it out of the bathroom cupboard to take on our trip to Washington. I think this was when we had everyday run-of-the-mill head colds, not the horrendous make-you-feel-like-you're-going-to-die colds that we all got after Christmas, so while it wasn't an absolute necessity to have tissues in the car with us for our four-hour trip, it was very helpful.

The roll of toilet paper began shrinking, as it was left in the car and taken again on our drive to Washington. It was stuffed into our diaper bag and brought into both sets of Grandparents' houses, and probably a couple of great grandparents'.

I pulled it out of the car last week and placed it on top of the microwave, where it has lived continuously up until yesterday afternoon. Surprisingly, after three bouts of family illnesses and almost constant teething and runny noses from Ethan, the roll of toilet paper hadn't shrunk all that much. It was still almost half full.

So Alyssa got ahold of the toilet paper yesterday and decided to wave it in the air and fling it around the room. This caused a huge ruckus and both Ethan and she were rolling on the floor with laughter. I let the kids have their fun for a while, and when they were through I realized that most of the tissue they had thrown on the floor was still clean, good toilet paper. So to make a long story short (too late, I know), I salvaged what toilet paper I could and stuffed it in the nearest empty box I could find: a Kraft Easy Mac and Cheese.

It wasn't until this afternoon, when I was reaching for some toilet paper to wipe Ethan's nose, that I realized the silliness of the situation: that our current "official" tissue box is an empty macaroni and cheese box filled with crumpled up toilet paper. It definitely does the job though, and it should count itself lucky. While most rolls of toilet paper hang in the bathroom until they're all used up, this roll of toilet paper has traveled all over the Great Northwest and is now retired and "living" in one of the warmest rooms in the house.