A Good Cry

I think I ruined Brian's birthday yesterday. I feel bad for him; he's away from his family, and his birthday was just like any other day of the week. I had plans to make it special for him - to make up a package with goodies inside, to make a recording of the kids getting tucked in at night and other aspects of every day life that he's missing out on, but all of those plans fell through and never happened. Then yesterday his mom gave me the idea of ordering a pizza for his birthday dinner. It's something, right? So I was halfway through filling out the online order form with Dominoes and one of the kids knocked the plug out of the outlet and the computer died. That wasn't really the act that made me lose it, but it's about the time that I lost it.

Okay, here's a little background. Alyssa has had a very hard time adjusting to first grade. She's having a hard time sitting still through the whole day, especially during her one-on-one reading time. She's stealing things (like candy from the treasure box, buttons from the science kit, a sweater (?!?), etc.) and apparently she's hitting and pushing other students. I haven't been able to go observe her at school, so I don't know how or in what way these things are happening. Is she hitting out of anger? She's not a violent person. She can play hard, but she doesn't just hit people. The stories I get from Alyssa are that she bumped into So-and-so when they were lining up, and So-and-so said, "Teacher, Alyssa hit me!" Who knows if that's the truth or not? It's probably somewhere in the middle of both extremes. One time she got in trouble for hitting her friend, and I called her friends mom to confirm Alyssa's story. That time her friend had been swishing her hair back and forth, and Alyssa put her hand out to keep the hair from getting in her eyes, accidentally hit the other girls head, and then another student told on her for hitting.

I went in to go talk with her teachers, and they seemed very grateful that I was willing to help. We talked a little about the things that have been happening, and I told them about things at home. I told them about just moving (twice) and about Brian being gone, but mostly I told them that she has been wonderful at home. She's been waking up and making her bed and saying her prayers in the morning. She likes to help me make her lunches. Just yesterday I noticed that she had made Ethan's and Marcus's bed, along with her own. "Yep," she said, "I even said their prayers for them." I asked her if they were in the room at the time, and she said that they weren't. So right now I'm really confused at how she can be so good at home, but not good at school.

So the morning that I went to talk with her teacher, they said that a behavioral specialist was coming to observe Alyssa that day, and she could help us know what to do. This was last Monday. We still haven't heard from the specialist yet, but I learned that there will be a meeting discussing Alyssa next Thursday (next Thursday!) and here's the kicker: I'm not invited. I sent an email telling them that I needed to be at the meeting, and we'll see what they say, and what will happen after that.

I've been thinking that maybe Alyssa's just not ready for first grade. Her birthday is in August. She just turned 6. There have already been multiple birthdays in her class, and her classmates are turning 7. She's a whole year younger than those kids, and when you're young, a year makes a big difference in maturity level. Add to that, that Alyssa is already a busy and energetic child, and it's easy to come to the conclusion that she might not be ready for first grade yet. I'd really like to either be able to watch her in class myself, or see what the behavioral specialist says before we make any decisions.

Tuesday was really rough on Alyssa. So rough that I received a phone call during the day, telling me about the future meeting, and I talked to Alyssa, who was crying while talking to me. So I kept her home yesterday so she could just take a break from everything and hopefully regroup for a good day today. But keeping her home made it rough on me. She was bored and wanted to watch movies all day. The boys kept getting in to things. My husband was celebrating a birthday alone. And then the computer died.

I mentioned a couple times to Christina that morning that I wished life could just stop for a little while so I could catch up. I didn't want to have to worry about Alyssa. I didn't want to worry about the dishes on the counter or the pile of clean laundry that has been sitting in the middle of the dressing room for two weeks. So that's when I decided that we were going to make life stop for just a bit. We were going to make a surprise birthday visit to Brian. I called my mom and told her to pick up a cake from the store for me, and I got the kids in the bath. While the kids were in the tub, getting clean and splashing water about like nobody's business (more on this later) I called Madigan Medical Center in Tacoma, hoping to possibly arrange for Brian to have the next day (today) off from work so we could enjoy our visit with him. I was actually able to talk to the attending doctor over him, and I made a complete fool of myself, and he wasn't able to give Brian any time off. They were completely booked. So after thanking him, and feeling very foolish, I saw that it was Brian's lunch time, so I gave him a call.

This is when I noticed the lake of water covering our bathroom floor and heard Alyssa saying, "Mom, there's water on the ceiling!" This is when Brian's brother knocked on the door and all three kids came down the stairs, naked, to answer the door before I could get to it. This is when I ruined my husbands already (probably) lousy birthday by going to the basement, telling him about everything, and crying uncontrollably.

It was a good cry, though. Over the past while, when things were crazy and I was feeling down, sometimes I would think, "If only I could cry, that would help me feel better." And I did feel better afterward. I don't know why crying helps, but once I was done I felt like I could handle things again.

I went back upstairs, and Eric was getting the kids dressed for me - an easy thing to do with all those clean clothes laying around, so accessible. I got Marcus down for a nap, and when he woke up I met my sisters at the park so the kids could all play together. I called the gymnastics center and signed Alyssa up for cheerleading (another outlet for all her energy, and another way to practice listening to a teacher). We went to happy hour at Sonics for strawberry shushes, and then went to cheerleading. Alyssa loved it! She stood on her little yellow dot, made cinnamon roll hands, and jumped in the air, over and over and over again. She listened to the teachers, and wasn't any more busy than the other girls that were there. I don't get it, but we're gonig to figure all this out soon, and hopefully there won't be any more crying involved.