Just a little review

When Alyssa was a baby, we got the $15 Snuggli baby carrier. It was nice, and it worked. With Ethan, we got the new $20 version of the Snuggli, and it was better, but still wasn't quite balanced and comfortable. When researching carriers when Ethan was little, I made a Mei Tei carrier out of scraps from the garage, and even though it wasn't perfect (mainly because it was homemade by someone not knowing what they were doing) I loved the idea of it.

So this time I found a Mei Tei online that looked great, and I went ahead and spent the money on it. I love it! For those of you out there with babies (who might be interested) it's called the Beco Baby Carrier. It was designed by a busy/active/hiking mom. They're super cute, and super comfortable. I'm so glad I've got one!

So Incredibly Thankful

On Tuesday morning I took Marcus to the doctor to be circumcised. Since I didn't have the other kids with me, they told me I could come watch the procedure. When I was in high school, we had to take my cat to the vet, and I fainted when they cleaned out his wound with a cotton swab. I wondered if I might find myself on the floor if I went to watch, but decided to give it a try. The whole thing was really no big deal. The part Marcus hated the most was when it was all over and the doctor pulled the blue paper up that was sticking to his skin in parts. Marcus and I went to an exam room so he could recover, and soon the doctor came to check on him. He was bleeding in one spot, and it took the doctor and nurse over a half-hour to get him to stop bleeding. But all was well, and after a while we took off to pick the kids up from the Martin's and get Alyssa to school.

That afternoon we ran errands around town and stopped at Fred Meyer to pick up some baby Tylenol. When we got home around six o'clock, Brian fed the kids a quick dinner and I fed Marcus. He fell asleep so easily that I didn't change his diaper. I wrapped him in a blanket and set him in his swing so he could rest. After we put the kids to bed, I started rounding up all of our clothes to pack for Thanksgiving. Marcus slept through the whole thing, so I was able to get us almost packed. The plan was to leave the next morning right after Brian's class.

A little after nine o'clock Marcus woke up, crying. I almost fed him, changing him half way through, but something told me to change him right away. I set him on the couch and unwrapped the fleece blanket. I was tired and I didn't notice the blood on his pajamas. I unsnapped his crotch and saw that his diaper was almost bright red in color. I don't remember exactly what I thought at that moment. Even though there was plenty of reason to worry, I don't think the worry had sunk into my brain just yet.

I hollered to Brian that Marcus was bleeding and we needed to take him to the emergency room. He came out right away, and the second he saw Marcus, he went into Super Dad mode and hurried to get dressed. He called Casey to come watch the other two kids, and we waited, standing in the middle of the living room until Casey pulled up. Brian and Casey quickly gave Marcus a blessing, and we sped the couple of blocks to the Forest Grove Hospital.

Brian was able to bi pass the admission process by saying "We've got bleeding and a low blood pressure on a two week old." We went through the front door and the second we said the word "circumcision" nurses were pulling us to a table and getting things ready to help Marcus.

At some points there were four nurses and two doctors surrounding Marcus on the table. We knew he lost a lot of blood, and that he was pale and listless when we brought him in. They tried multiple times to get an I.V. into him, but they just couldn't do it. When I was in the other room they decided to put in an Intraosseous infusion, where they give him the fluids directly into the bone marrow. I was coming back into the room when they were punching a hole into his bone, so Brian waved me away so I didn't see anything. Apparently they had to try that a couple of times, and the one they got in was leaking a bit, so they were still trying to get in I.V. into him.

All evening long I saw the possibility of losing Marcus, but it was at this time that that possibility started to feel real. I remember asking Brian if he thought Marcus was going to be okay, and he said he didn't know. I watched all of the nurses and doctors as they worked on our little baby, and I wondered if I would be able to say good-bye to him. I wondered how I would tell Alyssa and Ethan, if we lost him. He had the blessing just before coming to the hospital, but I still spent the hours begging Heavenly Father to let him be okay.

When things would slow down between I.V. tries, and a spot would open at Marcus' side, the nurses would tell me to sit by him and talk to him. Saying "Hey buddy," and "It's okay" to him didn't seem quite right, so I started to sing "I am a Child of God". One of the nurses joined me, and she kept the song going when I couldn't sing any longer.

By the time the ambulance came to transfer us to a different hospital, they had stopped the bleeding, and he had received a bit of fluid from the Intraosseous infusion. His vital signs were good, and they had given up trying to get an I.V. into him. I was able to hold him on the way to the hospital at Oregon Health and Science University. Brian followed us for as long as he could, but once we got to the highway we took off so fast that he lost us. The lights and sirens were on, and even though things weren't a huge emergency at that point, I remember looking out the back window and feeling so grateful for the people pulled over to the side of the road, because it made my baby's journey to the hospital that much quicker and safer. The sirens don't sound very loud when you're inside the ambulance, but when you go under an overpass they echo and sound like the shrieking eels from the movie "Princess Bride." It took going under about five overpasses to figure out what the sound reminded me of.

We got to the hospital and were were taken to a room in the children's section on the ninth floor. Miraculously, Brian joined us just a couple of minutes after reaching the room. Being a university, Marcus was looked at by a couple of residents. They determined that he was well enough to not need an I.V. and they took the Intraosseous infusion out of his leg. (Actually, at some point during transition, it had fallen out, but that was okay.) One very wonderful nurse noticed how hungry Marcus was and told everyone that he needed to eat. I was afraid that they wouldn't let me nurse him, but the same nurse said that that was exactly what he needed.

Brian went home just after two in the morning, and Marcus and I made it through the night in a rocking chair at the hospital. In the morning, the attending physician came to discuss things with the residents. Apparently, they did just fine the night before, but they didn't seem to be concerned with the amount of blood that he lost, even though they had seen the diaper full of blood. She stressed to them that a little guy his size had enough blood in his body to fill a pop can, and losing that much blood, plus a blood clot the size of a golf ball was a huge deal. His body probably went in to shock before we took him to the hospital. Putting it in that perspective made the night before even more scary.

So today is Thanksgiving, and he is doing fine. We obviously have so much to be thankful for this year. I'm thankful for Brian's class on Wednesday that was supposed to be cancelled, but was added on almost last minute. We were upset that we couldn't head to the Tri-Cities on Tuesday, but now I am so glad that we weren't in the middle of nowhere, travelling home, when we discovered the bleeding. I'm thankful for the wonderful nurses and doctors at the hospitals and the EMT people on the ambulance that took such good care of Marcus. I'm thankful for a loving husband who was able to give Marcus a priesthood blessing, and who stood beside me through such a hard time for both of us.

But most of all I'm thankful that all of my children are safe and healthy. I love them all so much, and I don't know what Brian and I would do if we lost any of them. I'm thankful that Heavenly Father listened to our prayers and comforted us. I'm thankful that, after such a horrible shock and strain on his body, that Marcus is doing so well, and that he is still here and a very important part of our family.

When I was looking through the pictures I've taken the past couple of days, I was disappointed that there wasn't one where both Alyssa and Ethan were looking at the camera and smiling at the same time while they were holding Marcus. But then I came across the very last picture, and it's perfect. They both love Marcus so much, and this proves it. Marcus is looking a little buggy-eyed, though, so I guess we'll never get all three kids in a good pose at the same time.

Christmas Tree: Phase One

Well, we put up the Christmas tree on Friday and decorated it last night. Ethan didn't understand how to use the hooks, so his job was to hand ornaments to Brian. Alyssa was thrilled to decorate and she said, "How beautiful!" to just about every ornament I handed her. Marcus started crying halfway through, so I'm going to finish things up tonight after the kids go to bed. We were basically only able to put the balls and snowflakes on the tree. All of the cool ornaments are still in the box.

We made it through the whole decorating process without a single mishap. One ball was dropped, but it didn't break. Everyone was happy. No one got in trouble. When we were finished, we sat on the living room floor and had fudge, sugar cookies, and eggnog. Then I had the brilliant idea to take a picture of the kids in front of the tree. I should have just left the evening alone. Alyssa kept touching the ornaments. Brian or I would say, "Don't touch the ornaments," over and over again, explaining to her that if they fell and broke the tree wouldn't be pretty anymore, and that she needed to be the example to Ethan. It went like this: "Don't touch the ornaments...Don't touch the ornaments...Don't touch the ornaments..." until finally, Brian and I both yelled at the same time, "DON'T TOUCH THE ORNAMENTS!"

Needless to say, just before I was able to take a couple of pictures, a ball fell and cracked on the floor. One casualty. Oh well. By the way, Ethan put the pumpkin up. I think we'll leave it until after Thanksgiving. And he puts the headbands on by himself; his favorite is yellow.

Query:

Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree?

We usually put it up after coming back from Thanksgiving vacation, but I woke up this morning really wanting to decorate for Christmas. Our tree is fake, by the way.

There Were Five in the Bed and the Little One Said...

This is what our bed looked like after we got up this morning. (Notice the extra blankets and the pink pillow.) Marcus went to bed with us, Ethan joined us around 11:30, then Alyssa lay down in Marcus' crib at 6:30. While not a fun thing to do every night, it was a little fun to all wake up together.

A Baby Story

(Yeah, I suppose this is a little graphic, and it may contain pictures of a very large pregnant woman.)

On Monday, Brian and I went in for one last doctors appointment. We all felt it was best not to induce labor, since pitocin or other drugs would make the contractions stronger, and cause the chance of uterine rupture to increase. Even though I was only one day past my due date, the doctor seemed impatient to give me more time to go into labor on my own. I asked about inducing by breaking my water, instead of a scheduled cesarean, and he agreed to give it a try. When he was on the phone in the other room, scheduling the induction, we heard him say that he thought we'd end up with a c-section anyway, but I was determined to at least try for a VBAC. That made me more determined than ever.

The next morning we left Alyssa and Ethan with my mom and headed to the hospital. They broke my water around 11:00. I wanted to go natural for as long as possible, but because of my previous c-sections, I needed to be monitored closely, so walking around all day to help labor progress would be a bit difficult. The nurse (Linda) proposed the deal that I be monitored for a half-hour, then I could walk around for a half-hour. Brian and I watched "Myth Busters," "Dirty Jobs" and "How It's Made" on the Discovery channel while the contractions started and strengthened. The doctor said I could get an epidural when I dilated to a 4. Once the contractions started to get real bad, I began to rethink my "go natural" strategy. The nurse suggested that I spend my half-hour off of the monitors in the tub, since the pain from each contraction would radiate down my legs and make it difficult to stand. That helped a ton.

I was waiting for the doctor to come and check my progress before I asked for the epidural, but then I found out that he probably wouldn't be back at the hospital until after five o'clock. I didn't know the nurse could check me, so once I found out she could, we asked to her to do so right away. Apparently I had surpassed the 4 that I was hoping for and had made it to a 6! It took about an hour and a half for the anesthesiologist to come, and while we waited Brian sat by my bed and held my hand. I wanted him to be there, but when I hurt, I didn't want him to talk or move at all. For a while he tried to lighten things up by joking that I really wasn't having a contraction because it wasn't registering on the monitor (it wasn't sitting on my belly right) but after I yelled at him to hold still and hush up, he stopped. Before he realized that things were getting worse, he thought I was just resting, so he ended up taking some pictures of me during a contraction.

It took forever for the epidural to be put in, and that was not fun. The baby was wedging himself in the front of my belly, which hurt, and I had to sit still, hunched over, during the contractions while the anesthesiologist poked needles in my back. Once the epidural took effect, things were so much better. We watched some more shows on the Discovery Channel and rested as much as we could while I progressed. The epidural wasn't quite strong enough to keep me from feeling the heavier contractions, but when it came time to push, that was perfect. It hurt enough that I was in control of pushing, instead of having the nurse (Amy, at this point) tell me when to push, but the epidural took enough of the pain away to make things bearable. I started pushing at 7:55 and he was out at 8:34. Brian was wonderful while I was pushing. He held my head (and one of my feet) and encouraged me through the whole thing.

After all the preparation for a VBAC, it felt so amazing to succeed. It felt good to be in control of the pushing and to be so involved in giving birth to my baby. I can't begin to describe the feeling I had when I looked down and saw him coming out. With my c-sections, I didn't see my babies until they were weighed and cleaned and wrapped in a blanket.

The doctor was so amazed. "How did you know you could do that?" he asked, "How did you know that it would work?" From his point of view, he saw a pregnant woman who was perfectly happy scheduling a c-section, but then at 8 months pregnant, was bound and determined to have a VBAC. He didn't quite understand, and I've got to say that he was surprised.

So the whole experience was amazing. I felt connected to Brian and the baby. Almost every VBAC story I've read has the word "empowered" in it somewhere. I have to agree; giving birth is an incredibly empowering experience. After that, I felt like I could do anything.


Marcus is such a sweet baby. He only cried for a minute at first, and he's stayed so calm ever since. He sleeps most of the time (like all newborns) and when he's awake he just loves to look around and watch the family. The kids have had a little trouble adjusting to having him around, but they love him, and we're glad to have him in our family.

Introducing

Marcus Christopher Jacks
November 6, 2007
8 lbs 5 oz, 20 1/4 inches

On A Precipice

There are so many moments in our lives where we hesitate to do something scary, but we just have to push ourselves to do it anyway. As a child, it was things like jumping out of the second story window when our parents weren't home, attempting to do a back flip on the trampoline for the first time, or doing a back dive into the swimming pool. Now that I'm an adult, it's getting up in sacrament meeting to bear my testimony. At times like these I pause and ask myself certain questions. "Am I really going to do this?" "Can't I get hurt?" "What if I make a fool of myself?" "Am I really going to do this?"

When it's something physical, I just force myself to do it, and let fate or time or gravity take over. When Brian was in high school he and his friends would jump in the Columbia River on New Years Eve. He's kept up the tradition off and on since we've been married, and this last year was the first time I joined him. We drove down to the dock at Howard Amon Park, stripped to our swimsuits, and stood there, looking at the water. "Am I really going to do this?" I asked myself. "I want to do this," I told myself. "I've just...got...to...jump!" And by the time my feet left dock, there was no turning back. For a moment I was in the air, and then gravity pulled me into the water.

Now, from everything I've read, giving birth seems nothing like jumping off of a dock into frigid cold water. There's no immediate consequence of your actions. You can't say, "Okay, I've just got to do this," and moments later you've got a baby in your arms. It can take hours. Although it is true that once it starts, there's no turning back.

If all goes well tomorrow morning, Brian and I will go to the hospital to be induced. For the past two or three weeks I've woken up every morning thinking that this could be the day, and I've been so impatient to have the baby here. Now that a decision has been made, and the baby is coming, I'm holding back, asking myself, "Can I really do this?" Having never delivered vaginally before, this is all new territory. I've done my research, and I've got a good doctor, and I know that no matter how things turn out, the only thing that really matters is having a healthy baby at the end.

So here goes. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do my best. There's no turning back now.

Seriously, What Do We Do?

Here's how a typical 'before hours' morning goes in the Jacks family:

5:00 Callie the cat jumps on my pillow and snuggles up to my head. If a hand is available, she'll start licking it. If not, she'll very gently paw at my face until I let her know that I'm awake. Now, we have a very sweet and loving cat, but this is not her typical sweet and loving behavior. Do you know what she wants? An escort to the bathroom. Yep, we keep her food right between the tub and the toilet. Normally she doesn't need any help finding this food, but for some reason at five o'clock every morning she thinks she needs someone to walk her to the bathroom so she can have an early breakfast.

5:45 Ethan wakes up. Now the thing about this is that he usually doesn't wake up crying. He's not particularly happy about being in bed, but he goes between grunting, babbling, calling out, and even occasionally singing until either Alyssa wakes up or we go into the room to get him.

6:30 Alyssa wakes up. Sometimes this is perfectly fine, but most of the time she needs to go to the bathroom. She used to be able to go to the bathroom during the night by herself, but now she's afraid. She, like the cat, needs an escort. I've tried putting a night light out, both in the bathroom and the hall, but she's still scared. So basically I get out of bed each morning to walk my daughter the three feet (if that) from her bedroom door to the bathroom door. Then I walk her back to bed. This is when Ethan sees that Mom is up, and he wants out of his crib, so we all get up for the morning anyway. This isn't so bad. We've learned to deal with it.

But today is Saturday! Saturday is a day to sleep in!

So this morning, when Alyssa hollered for her escort to the bathroom, I told her that if she needed to go that bad, she'd have to go by herself. It came down to Alyssa crying in her bedroom, and Ethan crying right along with her. Even after she had her brilliant idea of putting her robe over her head so she wouldn't see the dark, she went back to her bedroom to cry hysterically. When I went in to talk with her, I told her that there were no monsters in our house, and when that didn't work, I tried making the deal that if she were to actually see a monster, all she had to do was yell, and either Brian or I would come running. She didn't buy it.

Okay, so we've come to grips with the fact that our kids are early risers. We've tried just about everything there is to try to get them to sleep at least until seven. It's not going to happen, so we're okay with that. So here's my questions.

1. Is it wrong to let an almost two year old sit in his crib for an hour each morning when he's not exactly happy, but not exactly sad?

2. How the heck do you get your five year old to overcome the fear of walking to the bathroom by herself?

3. And how hard do you have to push a cat away before she realizes that you are not alive for the sole purpose of guiding her to her breakfast?

Some Pictures From Halloween

Alyssa at the zoo

Alyssa and Ethan at the zoo

Costume Parade at Pacific University

Brian and the kids making sucker ghosts to give out to the trunk-or-treaters.