To Catch You Up

Brian has been reading Mrs. Pigglewiggle with Alyssa each night, and she loves it.

Here's Ethan's birthday cake. I was going to make it during his nap time to surprise him, but it was so fun to have him watch me make it. He loves cake, so he was very interested, and once he realized it was a car, he was so excited! You're seeing it from the side, because if you look at it from the front you see that it's a short, wide race car. If it was to scale you could probably fit four or five people in the front seat. It was yummy, though!

I discovered that our tortillas were moldy after I had all the taco fixings put together, so I made my own torillas. It was so much fun!

Alyssa loves playing outside, and she dresses herself. (There are no socks under those rain boots!) Needless to say, she didn't stay outside for very long.

Alyssa and I made Valentine's for her Kindergarten class. I'm tired of Disney Princess, the Barbie valentines at the store weren't pretty, and the only other girl option was Bratz. I know they need more petals on each flower, but by the time I realized that I was tired of cutting hearts out, so we left it. I'm pretty proud of the bee, though. I made it myself! Brian says I'm not the first person to come up with "bee mine" but the "bee mine" is the stripe! Personally, I think that's pretty clever. I always forget to give bees antennas for some reason.

A Job Extremely Well Done

Last night we found out that President Hinckley passed away peacefully at home, with his family around him. It didn't surprise me, because he's been warning us that it was going to happen eventually at nearly every General Conference for the last few years.

He was such a great man. He became the prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when I was in high school, and he was the first prophet that I really paid attention to. I grew up with him as the prophet and there were so many times that his counsel for the church helped me through hard times or to correct bad decisions. His excitement for the Gospel made me also excited to be a member of this church.

I remember when I was at BYU and he came to speak at a fireside. The Marriot Center was absolutely full, and beforehand people were talking and walking around, finding seats. It was so noisy. But the minute he entered the room, a hush fell over all of us and we respectfully stood and sang "We Thank Thee O God For A Prophet" while he made it to his seat. The feeling that he was a true prophet of God just filled the air of that huge building. We loved him so much, and we could feel the Spirit testify off his love for us and for all of the church, and of the love Heavenly Father has for His children to anoint prophets to guide us in these days.

While reading through the article on the LDS website, I was impressed by how much President Hinckley accomplished during his service. I knew he was busy and that he got a lot done, but to be reminded of all the temples built, the perpetual education fund being started, the building of the Conference Center, and so many other things. It's amazing. He had so much energy!

I'm not sad that he's gone though. He had a long and full life; he must have been tired. Sometimes during General Conference he would hint, and even flat-out say that he missed his wife since she died a few years ago. They must have had such a happy reunion last night. And it must have been wonderful for him to be reunited with our Heavenly Father and be congratulated for all the wonderful things he's accomplished and for all the millions of people that he's uplifted and helped during his time on the earth.

Ethan is Two!

2 Words Ethan Can Say
-Mama
-Dadda

2 Things Ethan Loves
-Cars (this also includes trucks, tractors, and garbage trucks)
-Books

2 Books Ethan Loves
-"Best Friends" First Look and Find
-Haynes Repair Manual "Ford Contour & Mercury Mystique"

2 of Ethan's Favorite Toys
-Tally dog stuffed animal
-Red race car

2 Places Ethan Loves
-Oregon Zoo
-McDonalds Playland

2 Things Ethan Loves to Wear
-Pajamas
-Alyssa's Headbands

2 Way He Gives Affection
-Cute kisses on the cheek, forehead, neck
-Big hugs

2 No-No's Ethan's Recently Done
-Dumped out the Tootie Fruities on the living room rug, just before someone came for dinner
-Threw Alyssa's beautiful fairy princess party book with pop-up windows in a full bath tub

2 Ways Ethan says "No"
-Stomps his foot and grunts
-Scowls (the one in the picture is just a small scowl)

2 Things Ethan Needs
-A haircut
-His two-year checkup

2 Words to Describe Ethan
-Playful
-Mischievous

2 Things We Love About Ethan
-His laugh
-The way he says "vroom, vroom" for a race car

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!

Gotta Keep Up

For the last couple of days I haven't been keeping the house clean, and we haven't been keeping to our bedtime routine. The kids have watched a lot of movies, and I know they've watched too many movies because they didn't really watch them-instead they made a whole lot of messes while the movies played. When we have days like this I just feel like a big, unproductive blob at the end and I remember all over again why we keep the house clean and why we have schedules, and I remember how hard it is to get back on track again.

So here's to cleaning and organizing the house, and making chore charts and exercise charts, and finishing the laundry - which is exactly what I'm going to be doing today.

Prison Break

This morning, just as I was about to leave for the gym, I heard Ethan's doorknob jiggle for about thirty seconds, then I heard the sound of the door opening, and a satisfied grunt from Ethan. At first I decided to go to the gym even though he was up, because we have a baby gate on his door to keep him in his room each morning, since it's normal for him to wake up at 6 or 6:30. Usually he plays with his cars and trucks for a while, then I let him out when I come home at 6:45. Today I made the mistake of turning on the living room light to get dressed. (Yes, I usually get dressed for the gym in the living room, in the dark.) So he knew someone was up.

When I heard his grunts of complaints, I went to check on him, and I found him stuck halfway under the baby gate. (We have it elevated a bit because he can climb over it when it's on the floor, and we don't want him falling and hitting his head in the middle of the night.) He and his dog were trying to break free. The poor kid had to lay there on the floor while I took pictures of him. I feel so sorry for our children, living in the days of such great digital cameras- we take pictures of everything!

Since this post is about Ethan, I'll give an update on his speaking abilities. He's been able to say "Mama" and "Dadda" for forever now, but he's refused to actually use them or to say them when we've asked him to. Now he is officially saying them when he wants to get our attention- yea! And he's saying "uh-oh" and "Marcus," which he pronounces "kksss." This kid is just not a talker, and it's all out of pure stubbornness. The doctor said to not give him what he wants when he grunts, but when we do that, he just decides he never wanted it in the first place (even candy!) The kid would probably go the whole day without eating if he had to talk for it - he would go that long! The amazing thing is how well he's able to get his point across by pointing and grunting. Oh, and stomping his foot. It's great that it's finally coming. He's finally starting to talk. I have this feeling that one day he'll just bust out with "Excuse me Mother, but would you mind getting me a drink of orange juice? I'm a bit parched."

He is Just Too Cute

Look What He Did To My Cake!

The rules for eating chocolate cake are as follows:

1. You must eat the cake pieces in an orderly manner.

Um, that's pretty much it. What that means is, you have to eat the cake from the sides, to the middle, all the way to the other side. You can't go jumping around from corner to corner, just to get the most frosting. If you did that, one side of the cake will dry out while you're busy eating the other side of the cake. It's a very good rule, and I've told Brian about it a couple of times when he's suggested otherwise.

Today I was getting cake for everyone, and I left one middle piece by cutting the jutting portion in half and taking the piece from the edge. I figured that this was okay. It left a perfectly straight edge, and I figured that someone would probably eat the remaining piece of cake before the night was over, anyway.

Brian went into an uproar about how I was breaking all the cake rules and messing everything up, yada yada yada, and then to prove his point (which I still don't know quite what it is) he did this:


Who does he think he is?!? Seriously! I was flabbergasted! You just don't do that! You just don't. And apparently he was happy about it, too.

Questions and Answers

Kellyanne asked a few questions on her blog, so here's my answers:

1. How often do you exercise and what do you do for exercise?
I just started going to the gym this week. When Ethan was a baby he wanted to nurse during the early morning hours, but Marcus sleeps right through them, so I can get up and go to the PAC at 6:00 each morning. I go every weekday and I walk or jog on the treadmill. This last week I just walked, but next week I'm going to start running a little.

2. Do you make your bed everyday?
I usually get to it sometime during the day, but not always in the morning. When we sleep with a top sheet, Brian ends up untucking it and winding it around his legs and pulling it funny, so we don't use a top sheet. We just have a goose down blanket on our bed, so it's actually really easy to make it.

3. What do you do in the evening hours? TV? Blog? Read? Clean the house? ;)
Marcus likes to stay up late, but he's always tired in the evenings, so that's usually his cranky time. My evenings are spent trying to get him to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 8:30, right after putting the kids down. My sister got me interested in watching "Gray's Anatomy" online a while back, but since the writer's strike, they're just playing reruns, so I'm not doing that anymore.

4. What are you having for dinner tonight?
Either chicken and broccoli crepes or tacos. I forgot to get broccoli when I went grocery shopping, so it depends on whether or not we make it to Winco.

5. What did you have for dinner last night?
This is slightly embarrassing. Chocolate cake. We went to Costco last night, and Brian knows I love Costco cake, so he snuck one on the bottom of the cart. We didn't get home until after seven, so we just had chocolate cake for dinner. Brian was the healthy one, 'cause he had carrot sticks with his cake.

6. Who does the dishes at your house? Who takes out the garbage?
Me and Me. Stinks, huh?

7. Give me one favorite cleaning/household tip that you have learned and use regularly.
I clean everything with bleach water. Sinks, shower, bathub, etc. It works way better than other cleaners, and it's cheap too.

8. Do you pluck your eyebrows? I just recently discovered that people do this. I've never even thought about it. Do you do it?
How could you not know that people pluck their eyebrows? I do pluck, but since the disaster of October 2007, I do not shave them anymore. Just thought you all should know that.

9. How many nights of the week does your family have dessert?
We usually have an official dessert once or twice a week. Sometimes Brian and I will have ice cream after the kids go to bed. Just so Brian doesn't accuse me of lying, we usually have dessert in some form or another (cookies for afternoon snack, something for dessert after lunch) once a day. He's afraid that we're all going to get diabetes and die, but it's hard to go one day without at least a bit of chocolate.

10. What time do you wake up in the morning, and what time of day do you take a shower?
I get up at 5:45, and I usually make it to the shower around 8:30 or 9:00, after Brian's gone to school.

I'm tagging everyone who's reading this; they're fun things to know.

a Name and a Blessing

It's official - his name is Marcus Christopher Jacks. Brian's and my families met at the Thayer building on December 29th for Marcus' blessing. He wore a very cute outfit that was made by his Grandma Roses and Great Grandma Harris. One of the special things that Brian said in the blessing was that he will be a happy person and that he'll share the joy of the Gospel with others. My dad said that Marcus was smiling through the whole blessing, so I guess that's true. He is a very happy guy.

The poor kid had to go barefoot, because we were in a hurry and forgot his socks, and his slippers kept falling off without the socks on.


Getting Ready. I don't think he liked the idea of wearing a bonnet, even though I called it a cap.
















Loving Grandmas

Back on the Blogging Horse

Well, we're back from our vacation. We had a great time in Washington, and now we're back to normal life. Alyssa starts school today, but Brian doesn't start until next week. Here's some highlights from our trip (pictures to come soon):

• Brian's sister came to visit from Indiana, so Alyssa was able to hang out with cousins (Amy and Anna) she doesn't get to see very often.
• We went to the cabin after Christmas. The snow was so deep, and I felt like a pioneer woman carrying Marcus through the cold until Brian's dad came to rescue us with a snowmobile.
• The snow wasn't wet enough to make a snowman, so Brian and I tried to build a "makeout house" by digging a hole in the snow. We didn't get it very deep or big, but we used it anyway.
• Marcus was blessed. My mom made his blessing outfit, and we forgot to buy buttons, so she used some from one of my dad's old shirts, and my grandma did the crochet work around the edges of his jacket. How's that for getting the family involved? I wanted it to look like Peter Rabbit's jacket - you'll see when the pictures are put up. It turned out so cute!
  
• We spent New Year's at Mike and Tallia's. Everyone else left early, but we made it to midnight. We celebrated by spilling sparkling cider on the floor when we made toasts. (That was Tallia and Josh, by the way, not the kids)
• We got a new camera, and we're picking it up today. Our camera broke in the hospital when we had Marcus, so we took it in to a shop a few weeks ago to be fixed. Instead of being done in three hours like they said, it took much longer, and they ended up calling us to say that they really broke our camera and were buying us a new one.
• Ethan is now saying "Mama" and "Dada" sometimes, only when he really wants to, and I think he said "yes" this morning. He'll talk someday!
  

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

We've been wondering lately if there is a chance that Alyssa has ADHD. She's so busy, and sometimes it's so hard to discipline her that we finally called her doctor to see what to do. She gave us some information and some questionnaires to fill out. After talking with Alyssa's teacher about her activity level at school, we've decided that she's just your normal busy kid. She's just one of those people who is full of creativity and ideas, and she has the energy to put those ideas into practice. She's strong-willed and stubborn. She's compassionate and caring.

When we were walking home from school today, I was telling her about why she shouldn't do something, and she just turned and started waving enthusiastically to a passing school bus. I thought at that moment that she's exactly like Maria from "The Sound of Music." She has so much potential that she just needs to grow into. She wears me out with all her energy, and half of the time we don't have a clue as to what she's doing or why she's doing it, but I'm glad she's in our family. She's a wonderful person, and when she grows up, she's going to be even better.

A Mother's Christmas

When I was little I was one of those girls who knew that she would grow up to be a mother. In Kindergarten, I dressed up as a ballerina for Future Career Day, but I think even then I knew that that would never pan out, and that I would need a fall back plan. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say, "A mom." I was also one of those girls who went to Brigham Young University, because I wanted to meet a handsome returned missionary, get married, and have babies. I had goals for graduation too, but it's obvious that those goals came second. Soon after getting married, I became pregnant when we weren't "trying" to get pregnant. The baby miscarried, and after that I felt so strongly that someone was waiting to come join our family. When Alyssa was born, and I held my beautiful little girl in my arms, I realized the dream of becoming a mother had come true.

I've always loved pictures that illustrate the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. There is something so beautiful about the love a mother has for her child and about the love that Mary must have felt for the newborn Christ. When the angel Gabriel came to Mary he said of her baby "He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest...shall be called the Son of God." (Luke 1:32,35) There is a Christmas song that asks the question, "Mary, did you know?" It reviews the events of Christ's life, asking if Mary knew of the things to come - that Jesus would heal the sick, perform miracles, atone for our sins, and give up his life. While Mary could not have known exactly what Christ would do during his time on earth, she probably knew more than anybody who Christ was, that he was the son of God. When a mother holds her babies, she can feel the sweet spirit that they have and know that they come from Heavenly Father. How then, could Mary not have known and felt the divinity of our Savior, even when he was a tiny baby?

Mary must have been a wonderful mother. The Lord must have chosen the greatest of all women to raise the Savior of the World. She must have had great patience, love, and understanding. She must have spent many nights on her knees, pleading for guidance and inspiration. She probably felt great pride when her son performed miracles and taught the people the Gospel; fear when he was accused and hunted down to be taken before Pilate; and sorrow when he was lifted on the cross. But she must also have felt great joy to know of his resurrection and to know that he atoned for the sins of the world so that all people could repent and return to our Heavenly Father. Being the mother of Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, the Redeemer and Savior of the World, must have been overwhelming and scary at times, but like all mothers, Mary was filled with love for her child. And with that love she overcame any doubts or fears that she might have had so that she could bring up her child in righteousness and truth, just as all mothers should.

A Random Act of Kindness

Today I went grocery shopping with Alyssa and Marcus. Alyssa was her usual self, fluttering around WinCo from aisle to aisle, with me patiently (then impatiently) telling her to stay close and slow down. Marcus was happy and calm until we got stuck with the dairy products, where I believe it was close to 5 degrees Fahrenheit - really cold. That's when Marcus started crying. We were almost done, so Alyssa and I ran to pick up some Italian bread and hamburger buns, then we were lucky to find a register that was open and empty. We hurried along, with Marcus crying, trying to be done as soon as possible so we could get home and feed him.

While I was loading our groceries a very nice lady came up behind me and said, "Hey Mom. Let me pack your groceries for you." I very happily let her and picked up Marcus, who was happy the instant he was out of his car seat. Apparently this lady has six kids (only two of her daughters were with her) and knew that sometimes these things (crying babies) happen, and the lady next to her in line said to her, "Why doesn't she just pick up her baby?!?"

This wonderful lady loaded my groceries, pushed my cart out, and then loaded the groceries into my car. I held Marcus until everything was in, and by that time he was perfectly happy to go back in the car seat. I will always remember her kindness, and I hope I can pass it along to another mom with young kids someday.

Nobody Likes a Grumpy Princess

I've always considered myself to be a happy, upbeat kind of person. You know, try to look on the bright side, search for the silver lining, always see the glass as half full. For most of my life it's worked pretty well. I can't say that I was never angry, sad, or grumpy, but I was generally happy and content with life.

During the past three and half weeks I've heard many people say that going from two kids to three is a lot harder than one to two. Whether or not this is true for everybody, it has definitely been true for me. I feel like I'm being stretched in five different directions at once. (Yes, three kids equal five directions.) No matter how many times I clean the kitchen each day, it's still dirty when I go in to make breakfast, lunch, or dinner. The laundry piles up faster than I can run it through the washer and dryer. It just seems that everything chooses the worst times to happen, and everything piles up on everything else, and I go berserk. I stress out. I yell at my kids. I complain to my husband. To be perfectly frank, I have been a grump, and I don't like it.

Last night Alyssa and I went to see "Enchanted." It's about a cartoon princess, Giselle, who gets thrown into the real world. I loved watching Giselle talk, and sing, and dance. She looks so happy. There is one scene where she asks Robert if he is unhappy, and he replies "Unhappy? No, I am angry!" She doesn't understand the emotion anger at this point in the film. She understands unhappiness and sadness, but not anger. She doesn't comprehend rudeness or harsh, mean words. Even when her tiara was stolen by an old homeless man, she was still quite polite to him.

Something that I've been realizing lately is that when things go wrong, it's okay to be unhappy or sad, or even upset. But it's not okay to get angry and grumpy and make everyone else miserable.

We were late for church this morning, and for a while I was short and rude to Brian and the kids. Then I noticed that Alyssa was starting to talk exactly like I was. My horrible rotten mood was rubbing off on my daughter, and my little princess wasn't acting like a princess at all.

I don't want to be a grumpy princess. I don't want to be the negative person that no one likes to be around. My goal for this week is to be in control of my emotions during those times when I have no control over anything else. I want to be happy, and I want to at least treat my family with kindness during those times when I am unhappy. It may sound a little silly, but I see nothing wrong with acting like a princess, as long as you're a gentle and kind and loving princess, not a grumpy princess.

Just a little review

When Alyssa was a baby, we got the $15 Snuggli baby carrier. It was nice, and it worked. With Ethan, we got the new $20 version of the Snuggli, and it was better, but still wasn't quite balanced and comfortable. When researching carriers when Ethan was little, I made a Mei Tei carrier out of scraps from the garage, and even though it wasn't perfect (mainly because it was homemade by someone not knowing what they were doing) I loved the idea of it.

So this time I found a Mei Tei online that looked great, and I went ahead and spent the money on it. I love it! For those of you out there with babies (who might be interested) it's called the Beco Baby Carrier. It was designed by a busy/active/hiking mom. They're super cute, and super comfortable. I'm so glad I've got one!

So Incredibly Thankful

On Tuesday morning I took Marcus to the doctor to be circumcised. Since I didn't have the other kids with me, they told me I could come watch the procedure. When I was in high school, we had to take my cat to the vet, and I fainted when they cleaned out his wound with a cotton swab. I wondered if I might find myself on the floor if I went to watch, but decided to give it a try. The whole thing was really no big deal. The part Marcus hated the most was when it was all over and the doctor pulled the blue paper up that was sticking to his skin in parts. Marcus and I went to an exam room so he could recover, and soon the doctor came to check on him. He was bleeding in one spot, and it took the doctor and nurse over a half-hour to get him to stop bleeding. But all was well, and after a while we took off to pick the kids up from the Martin's and get Alyssa to school.

That afternoon we ran errands around town and stopped at Fred Meyer to pick up some baby Tylenol. When we got home around six o'clock, Brian fed the kids a quick dinner and I fed Marcus. He fell asleep so easily that I didn't change his diaper. I wrapped him in a blanket and set him in his swing so he could rest. After we put the kids to bed, I started rounding up all of our clothes to pack for Thanksgiving. Marcus slept through the whole thing, so I was able to get us almost packed. The plan was to leave the next morning right after Brian's class.

A little after nine o'clock Marcus woke up, crying. I almost fed him, changing him half way through, but something told me to change him right away. I set him on the couch and unwrapped the fleece blanket. I was tired and I didn't notice the blood on his pajamas. I unsnapped his crotch and saw that his diaper was almost bright red in color. I don't remember exactly what I thought at that moment. Even though there was plenty of reason to worry, I don't think the worry had sunk into my brain just yet.

I hollered to Brian that Marcus was bleeding and we needed to take him to the emergency room. He came out right away, and the second he saw Marcus, he went into Super Dad mode and hurried to get dressed. He called Casey to come watch the other two kids, and we waited, standing in the middle of the living room until Casey pulled up. Brian and Casey quickly gave Marcus a blessing, and we sped the couple of blocks to the Forest Grove Hospital.

Brian was able to bi pass the admission process by saying "We've got bleeding and a low blood pressure on a two week old." We went through the front door and the second we said the word "circumcision" nurses were pulling us to a table and getting things ready to help Marcus.

At some points there were four nurses and two doctors surrounding Marcus on the table. We knew he lost a lot of blood, and that he was pale and listless when we brought him in. They tried multiple times to get an I.V. into him, but they just couldn't do it. When I was in the other room they decided to put in an Intraosseous infusion, where they give him the fluids directly into the bone marrow. I was coming back into the room when they were punching a hole into his bone, so Brian waved me away so I didn't see anything. Apparently they had to try that a couple of times, and the one they got in was leaking a bit, so they were still trying to get in I.V. into him.

All evening long I saw the possibility of losing Marcus, but it was at this time that that possibility started to feel real. I remember asking Brian if he thought Marcus was going to be okay, and he said he didn't know. I watched all of the nurses and doctors as they worked on our little baby, and I wondered if I would be able to say good-bye to him. I wondered how I would tell Alyssa and Ethan, if we lost him. He had the blessing just before coming to the hospital, but I still spent the hours begging Heavenly Father to let him be okay.

When things would slow down between I.V. tries, and a spot would open at Marcus' side, the nurses would tell me to sit by him and talk to him. Saying "Hey buddy," and "It's okay" to him didn't seem quite right, so I started to sing "I am a Child of God". One of the nurses joined me, and she kept the song going when I couldn't sing any longer.

By the time the ambulance came to transfer us to a different hospital, they had stopped the bleeding, and he had received a bit of fluid from the Intraosseous infusion. His vital signs were good, and they had given up trying to get an I.V. into him. I was able to hold him on the way to the hospital at Oregon Health and Science University. Brian followed us for as long as he could, but once we got to the highway we took off so fast that he lost us. The lights and sirens were on, and even though things weren't a huge emergency at that point, I remember looking out the back window and feeling so grateful for the people pulled over to the side of the road, because it made my baby's journey to the hospital that much quicker and safer. The sirens don't sound very loud when you're inside the ambulance, but when you go under an overpass they echo and sound like the shrieking eels from the movie "Princess Bride." It took going under about five overpasses to figure out what the sound reminded me of.

We got to the hospital and were were taken to a room in the children's section on the ninth floor. Miraculously, Brian joined us just a couple of minutes after reaching the room. Being a university, Marcus was looked at by a couple of residents. They determined that he was well enough to not need an I.V. and they took the Intraosseous infusion out of his leg. (Actually, at some point during transition, it had fallen out, but that was okay.) One very wonderful nurse noticed how hungry Marcus was and told everyone that he needed to eat. I was afraid that they wouldn't let me nurse him, but the same nurse said that that was exactly what he needed.

Brian went home just after two in the morning, and Marcus and I made it through the night in a rocking chair at the hospital. In the morning, the attending physician came to discuss things with the residents. Apparently, they did just fine the night before, but they didn't seem to be concerned with the amount of blood that he lost, even though they had seen the diaper full of blood. She stressed to them that a little guy his size had enough blood in his body to fill a pop can, and losing that much blood, plus a blood clot the size of a golf ball was a huge deal. His body probably went in to shock before we took him to the hospital. Putting it in that perspective made the night before even more scary.

So today is Thanksgiving, and he is doing fine. We obviously have so much to be thankful for this year. I'm thankful for Brian's class on Wednesday that was supposed to be cancelled, but was added on almost last minute. We were upset that we couldn't head to the Tri-Cities on Tuesday, but now I am so glad that we weren't in the middle of nowhere, travelling home, when we discovered the bleeding. I'm thankful for the wonderful nurses and doctors at the hospitals and the EMT people on the ambulance that took such good care of Marcus. I'm thankful for a loving husband who was able to give Marcus a priesthood blessing, and who stood beside me through such a hard time for both of us.

But most of all I'm thankful that all of my children are safe and healthy. I love them all so much, and I don't know what Brian and I would do if we lost any of them. I'm thankful that Heavenly Father listened to our prayers and comforted us. I'm thankful that, after such a horrible shock and strain on his body, that Marcus is doing so well, and that he is still here and a very important part of our family.

When I was looking through the pictures I've taken the past couple of days, I was disappointed that there wasn't one where both Alyssa and Ethan were looking at the camera and smiling at the same time while they were holding Marcus. But then I came across the very last picture, and it's perfect. They both love Marcus so much, and this proves it. Marcus is looking a little buggy-eyed, though, so I guess we'll never get all three kids in a good pose at the same time.

Christmas Tree: Phase One

Well, we put up the Christmas tree on Friday and decorated it last night. Ethan didn't understand how to use the hooks, so his job was to hand ornaments to Brian. Alyssa was thrilled to decorate and she said, "How beautiful!" to just about every ornament I handed her. Marcus started crying halfway through, so I'm going to finish things up tonight after the kids go to bed. We were basically only able to put the balls and snowflakes on the tree. All of the cool ornaments are still in the box.

We made it through the whole decorating process without a single mishap. One ball was dropped, but it didn't break. Everyone was happy. No one got in trouble. When we were finished, we sat on the living room floor and had fudge, sugar cookies, and eggnog. Then I had the brilliant idea to take a picture of the kids in front of the tree. I should have just left the evening alone. Alyssa kept touching the ornaments. Brian or I would say, "Don't touch the ornaments," over and over again, explaining to her that if they fell and broke the tree wouldn't be pretty anymore, and that she needed to be the example to Ethan. It went like this: "Don't touch the ornaments...Don't touch the ornaments...Don't touch the ornaments..." until finally, Brian and I both yelled at the same time, "DON'T TOUCH THE ORNAMENTS!"

Needless to say, just before I was able to take a couple of pictures, a ball fell and cracked on the floor. One casualty. Oh well. By the way, Ethan put the pumpkin up. I think we'll leave it until after Thanksgiving. And he puts the headbands on by himself; his favorite is yellow.

Query:

Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree?

We usually put it up after coming back from Thanksgiving vacation, but I woke up this morning really wanting to decorate for Christmas. Our tree is fake, by the way.

There Were Five in the Bed and the Little One Said...

This is what our bed looked like after we got up this morning. (Notice the extra blankets and the pink pillow.) Marcus went to bed with us, Ethan joined us around 11:30, then Alyssa lay down in Marcus' crib at 6:30. While not a fun thing to do every night, it was a little fun to all wake up together.

A Baby Story

(Yeah, I suppose this is a little graphic, and it may contain pictures of a very large pregnant woman.)

On Monday, Brian and I went in for one last doctors appointment. We all felt it was best not to induce labor, since pitocin or other drugs would make the contractions stronger, and cause the chance of uterine rupture to increase. Even though I was only one day past my due date, the doctor seemed impatient to give me more time to go into labor on my own. I asked about inducing by breaking my water, instead of a scheduled cesarean, and he agreed to give it a try. When he was on the phone in the other room, scheduling the induction, we heard him say that he thought we'd end up with a c-section anyway, but I was determined to at least try for a VBAC. That made me more determined than ever.

The next morning we left Alyssa and Ethan with my mom and headed to the hospital. They broke my water around 11:00. I wanted to go natural for as long as possible, but because of my previous c-sections, I needed to be monitored closely, so walking around all day to help labor progress would be a bit difficult. The nurse (Linda) proposed the deal that I be monitored for a half-hour, then I could walk around for a half-hour. Brian and I watched "Myth Busters," "Dirty Jobs" and "How It's Made" on the Discovery channel while the contractions started and strengthened. The doctor said I could get an epidural when I dilated to a 4. Once the contractions started to get real bad, I began to rethink my "go natural" strategy. The nurse suggested that I spend my half-hour off of the monitors in the tub, since the pain from each contraction would radiate down my legs and make it difficult to stand. That helped a ton.

I was waiting for the doctor to come and check my progress before I asked for the epidural, but then I found out that he probably wouldn't be back at the hospital until after five o'clock. I didn't know the nurse could check me, so once I found out she could, we asked to her to do so right away. Apparently I had surpassed the 4 that I was hoping for and had made it to a 6! It took about an hour and a half for the anesthesiologist to come, and while we waited Brian sat by my bed and held my hand. I wanted him to be there, but when I hurt, I didn't want him to talk or move at all. For a while he tried to lighten things up by joking that I really wasn't having a contraction because it wasn't registering on the monitor (it wasn't sitting on my belly right) but after I yelled at him to hold still and hush up, he stopped. Before he realized that things were getting worse, he thought I was just resting, so he ended up taking some pictures of me during a contraction.

It took forever for the epidural to be put in, and that was not fun. The baby was wedging himself in the front of my belly, which hurt, and I had to sit still, hunched over, during the contractions while the anesthesiologist poked needles in my back. Once the epidural took effect, things were so much better. We watched some more shows on the Discovery Channel and rested as much as we could while I progressed. The epidural wasn't quite strong enough to keep me from feeling the heavier contractions, but when it came time to push, that was perfect. It hurt enough that I was in control of pushing, instead of having the nurse (Amy, at this point) tell me when to push, but the epidural took enough of the pain away to make things bearable. I started pushing at 7:55 and he was out at 8:34. Brian was wonderful while I was pushing. He held my head (and one of my feet) and encouraged me through the whole thing.

After all the preparation for a VBAC, it felt so amazing to succeed. It felt good to be in control of the pushing and to be so involved in giving birth to my baby. I can't begin to describe the feeling I had when I looked down and saw him coming out. With my c-sections, I didn't see my babies until they were weighed and cleaned and wrapped in a blanket.

The doctor was so amazed. "How did you know you could do that?" he asked, "How did you know that it would work?" From his point of view, he saw a pregnant woman who was perfectly happy scheduling a c-section, but then at 8 months pregnant, was bound and determined to have a VBAC. He didn't quite understand, and I've got to say that he was surprised.

So the whole experience was amazing. I felt connected to Brian and the baby. Almost every VBAC story I've read has the word "empowered" in it somewhere. I have to agree; giving birth is an incredibly empowering experience. After that, I felt like I could do anything.


Marcus is such a sweet baby. He only cried for a minute at first, and he's stayed so calm ever since. He sleeps most of the time (like all newborns) and when he's awake he just loves to look around and watch the family. The kids have had a little trouble adjusting to having him around, but they love him, and we're glad to have him in our family.

Introducing

Marcus Christopher Jacks
November 6, 2007
8 lbs 5 oz, 20 1/4 inches

On A Precipice

There are so many moments in our lives where we hesitate to do something scary, but we just have to push ourselves to do it anyway. As a child, it was things like jumping out of the second story window when our parents weren't home, attempting to do a back flip on the trampoline for the first time, or doing a back dive into the swimming pool. Now that I'm an adult, it's getting up in sacrament meeting to bear my testimony. At times like these I pause and ask myself certain questions. "Am I really going to do this?" "Can't I get hurt?" "What if I make a fool of myself?" "Am I really going to do this?"

When it's something physical, I just force myself to do it, and let fate or time or gravity take over. When Brian was in high school he and his friends would jump in the Columbia River on New Years Eve. He's kept up the tradition off and on since we've been married, and this last year was the first time I joined him. We drove down to the dock at Howard Amon Park, stripped to our swimsuits, and stood there, looking at the water. "Am I really going to do this?" I asked myself. "I want to do this," I told myself. "I've just...got...to...jump!" And by the time my feet left dock, there was no turning back. For a moment I was in the air, and then gravity pulled me into the water.

Now, from everything I've read, giving birth seems nothing like jumping off of a dock into frigid cold water. There's no immediate consequence of your actions. You can't say, "Okay, I've just got to do this," and moments later you've got a baby in your arms. It can take hours. Although it is true that once it starts, there's no turning back.

If all goes well tomorrow morning, Brian and I will go to the hospital to be induced. For the past two or three weeks I've woken up every morning thinking that this could be the day, and I've been so impatient to have the baby here. Now that a decision has been made, and the baby is coming, I'm holding back, asking myself, "Can I really do this?" Having never delivered vaginally before, this is all new territory. I've done my research, and I've got a good doctor, and I know that no matter how things turn out, the only thing that really matters is having a healthy baby at the end.

So here goes. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do my best. There's no turning back now.

Seriously, What Do We Do?

Here's how a typical 'before hours' morning goes in the Jacks family:

5:00 Callie the cat jumps on my pillow and snuggles up to my head. If a hand is available, she'll start licking it. If not, she'll very gently paw at my face until I let her know that I'm awake. Now, we have a very sweet and loving cat, but this is not her typical sweet and loving behavior. Do you know what she wants? An escort to the bathroom. Yep, we keep her food right between the tub and the toilet. Normally she doesn't need any help finding this food, but for some reason at five o'clock every morning she thinks she needs someone to walk her to the bathroom so she can have an early breakfast.

5:45 Ethan wakes up. Now the thing about this is that he usually doesn't wake up crying. He's not particularly happy about being in bed, but he goes between grunting, babbling, calling out, and even occasionally singing until either Alyssa wakes up or we go into the room to get him.

6:30 Alyssa wakes up. Sometimes this is perfectly fine, but most of the time she needs to go to the bathroom. She used to be able to go to the bathroom during the night by herself, but now she's afraid. She, like the cat, needs an escort. I've tried putting a night light out, both in the bathroom and the hall, but she's still scared. So basically I get out of bed each morning to walk my daughter the three feet (if that) from her bedroom door to the bathroom door. Then I walk her back to bed. This is when Ethan sees that Mom is up, and he wants out of his crib, so we all get up for the morning anyway. This isn't so bad. We've learned to deal with it.

But today is Saturday! Saturday is a day to sleep in!

So this morning, when Alyssa hollered for her escort to the bathroom, I told her that if she needed to go that bad, she'd have to go by herself. It came down to Alyssa crying in her bedroom, and Ethan crying right along with her. Even after she had her brilliant idea of putting her robe over her head so she wouldn't see the dark, she went back to her bedroom to cry hysterically. When I went in to talk with her, I told her that there were no monsters in our house, and when that didn't work, I tried making the deal that if she were to actually see a monster, all she had to do was yell, and either Brian or I would come running. She didn't buy it.

Okay, so we've come to grips with the fact that our kids are early risers. We've tried just about everything there is to try to get them to sleep at least until seven. It's not going to happen, so we're okay with that. So here's my questions.

1. Is it wrong to let an almost two year old sit in his crib for an hour each morning when he's not exactly happy, but not exactly sad?

2. How the heck do you get your five year old to overcome the fear of walking to the bathroom by herself?

3. And how hard do you have to push a cat away before she realizes that you are not alive for the sole purpose of guiding her to her breakfast?

Some Pictures From Halloween

Alyssa at the zoo

Alyssa and Ethan at the zoo

Costume Parade at Pacific University

Brian and the kids making sucker ghosts to give out to the trunk-or-treaters.

What Not to do When You're 39 Weeks Pregnant

1. Take your children to the zoo without your husband, and without a stroller.
Saturday was Trick-or-Treat at the Zoo day. I wanted the kids to be able to go, but Brian had to stay home to study for his big test tomorrow, and I thought that since they would be walking from Trick-or-Treat spot to Trick-or-Treat spot, that it would be harder to get Ethan in and out of the stroller, so it would be easier to just let him walk. Not the case. We had a paper with clues to seven animals to visit, and we had to get a stamp at each of those animals. Then when we were finished, we brought our paper to the front gate and received a bag of goodies. It was a great idea, and we had a great time, but Ethan did not want to walk! It usually takes us two hours to do the whole zoo. On Saturday it took us two hours just to get to those seven animals. We spent a half-hour, not finding the zebras, but finding the people with the stamps at the zebras. And we spent a half-hour looking for the stamp people at the elephants before realizing the clue was supposed to lead you to the warthogs. (The clue said the animal was from Asia, and the elephants are the only thing in the Asia area of the zoo. The warthogs are just above it.) Anyway, we had a great time, I'm so glad we did it, but it completely wore me out!

2. Get the flu.
Alyssa came home from school on Friday complaining of a stomach ache. We had her lay down to watch a movie, and soon she was throwing up. Luckily, it only lasted a few hours and she was completely better the next morning. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. We were having the Olson's over for dinner, and I made chicken enchiladas and cornbread. I felt fine while making dinner. I felt fine while straightening the house. At five o'clock on the dot I started to feel queasy, so I went to lay down for a couple of minutes. The Olson's showed up just after five. I was lonely in the back room, so I snuck to get the phone to call my mom. I went back to lay down, dialed my parents number, and my dad picked up. I asked for my mom, thought, "Hhhmmm...my stomach's feeling worse," and proceeded to throw up all over our bedroom. Where was my five minute warning that I usually get? Needless to say, Brian entertained the Olson's and took care of dinner and got the kids to bed before taking off to the airport to pick up one of our friends. Ethan started throwing up around midnight, and he was so covered that Brian had to take a shower with him to clean him up. Brian took care of Ethan all night, while I slept on the couch. I was so thankful for Brian's help with everything, but it is not fun to throw up with a huge pregnant belly.

Halloween Party

Last night was the PAVA Halloween Party. Ethan kept Brian and I up a bunch the night before, so we were both tired and cranky, but I'm glad we went, and we had a bunch of fun. I was supposed to dress up as an eyeball, but we got started on Ethan's costume (switched him from a fire fighter to a car, which didn't stay on him) two hours before the party, so Brian and I just went as-is.


Alyssa was so happy with her fairy costume. She picked out the pattern, fabric and lace all by herself (and it was all 50% off!)

Ethan likes his car, he just doesn't like wearing it, so he'll probably be a fire fighter for the real Halloween.

Brian and Ethan had a great time playing all the games together.

The Mother-To-Be Special

Feeling slightly depressed after my doctors appointment, I called Brian to tell him the news. 38 weeks and only a fingertip dilated. The doctor said that if things don't look better by next week, we'd go ahead and schedule the c-section. I just told him that we'll schedule the section for as late as we possibly could, to give me more time. Brian listened to me complain for a minute, then said, "Let me make a phone call, then I'll call you back." When he called I was a few blocks from home, so he didn't tell me anything but, "See you in a minute."

I assumed he had called Claire, our babysitter, because we had talked about possibly going on a date that evening, but when I learned that he hadn't, I figured he called the Cluny's to see if we could come and see their new baby who was born on Thursday. Apparently not.

Brian asked for an early dinner, so a bit after 4:00 we had tacos, then at 4:50 he handed me the cell phone and kicked me out the door. I drove away with Brian and the kids waving to me from the front window. Within seconds, the cell phone rang, and Brian gave me directions to my destination. "Turn right at the light...What are you passing now?...Have you passed Dairy Queen yet?...Keep going straight...Turn left at the light, toward highway 47." Highway 47? Where was he sending me? He told me to turn into McMenamins. "Are you hungry?" I asked if he wanted me to go to McMenamins or Jennings McCall, the old folks home. He directed me to the basement of McMenamins, and told me to stop when I came to this:

They were obviously expecting a hugely pregnant woman with a cell phone stuck to her ear, because the two women behind the desk smiled and I heard them whisper, "That must be Carrie." A young woman approached me and asked if I was here for a massage.

"I think so," I said, and followed her to the back room. Brian said good-bye, and apparently told me to call him when I was finished, but I didn't hear that part since the phone was cutting out pretty bad. I filled out some paperwork, went to the bathroom (since I basically have to go every time I stand up), and was lead to a room with a plush-looking massage table.

"I'm going to leave the room for a few minutes," the lady said. "Go ahead and undress to your comfort level." She left. Hhhmmm...my comfort level. What did that mean? Technically, I'd prefer to keep my underwear on, but I didn't know if that would work with garments. So I unashamedly shed everything, and climbed under the covers. The table was covered with sheets, and I had two sheets over me, with the softest blanket I have ever felt on top. It made rubbing my belly so much fun every time the baby squirmed.

It turned out that being 'in the nude' was no big deal at all. The massage therapist uncovered my legs, one at a time, then had me lay on my side while she rubbed my back. It felt so good. I haven't been that relaxed in years! When she was done, she said I could take my time getting up. I wanted to ask if I could nap there for a couple of hours. I did take about five minutes to just enjoy the quiet, then I got dressed and headed home.

Brian got the biggest kiss a pregnant lady could give when I walked in the door. Apparently, he had been planning the whole escapade since lunch time. I'm so glad he did.

For those of you that don't live around here, check out the McMenamin's website. We love going there for free frisbee golf, free movies in the Compass Room, and to walk around looking at all the crazy pictures and paintings on the walls. They even have faces painted on the water pipes running along the ceiling. It's a very cool place.

Four Eyes

Alyssa just got her first pair of glasses! She is so excited to wear them, and she looks so cute. We didn't even know she was having problems. We just took the kids in to the clinic Brian interns at so his friends could pass off their pediatric exams. Trent did a great job of keeping her happy by telling her that the drops he put in to dilate her eyes would make her see fairies. At some point he got out a rainbow thing so she could see the fairy.

When we went to pick them up today, she walked around the room and said, "I see everything just the same, except that it's not blurry."

A Most Embarrassing Outcome

I'm going to tell you something, and you have to promise not to laugh at me. I have old man eyebrows. That's right, my eyebrow hairs are long and curly, just like the eyebrows on an old man. It started bothering me so much that a few months ago I decided to use Brian's beard trimmer to trim them. Well, it worked like a charm. Perfectly.

I don't know what happened today. I was in the bathroom, getting ready to take a shower. Ethan was climbing on the toilet, pointing to the hair cutters, then pointing to his head, and making his usual sound: "eh." I popped the attachment onto the trimmer, and proceeded to trim eyebrow number one. I have no idea what I did differently this time (same attachment as usual), but as I moved the trimmer along my eyebrow, I noticed that things were turning out much shorter than usual. Luckily, I stopped in time to avoid losing my whole eyebrow, but I do have bald stripes. It doesn't look too great, but it'll grow. No, I'm not posting pictures.

Kicked Out

We found out yesterday (two days after finishing the living room!) that our landlords want to sell the house. They said that when it sells they'll try to have it be so we don't have to be out until the semester break, so that will be either December (We'll have a newborn!), May (We'll have less than three months left!) or August (This would be perfect!). A lady came to look at the house yesterday, so we'll see what happens with that.

What is it about us that makes our landlords want to sell the house? This is the second time it's happened to us! Last time we were informed right after finals...right after I painted the living room and hallway a beautiful blue. But the thing that gets me, is they always say, "We're selling the house, but we don't know when it'll go, so feel free to stay until we kick you out officially." Last time they told us to stay just in case the new owners wanted to rent also (it was a basement apartment.) We stuck around until we found something to our liking, then we took off.

This time, if it lasts until August, that would be wonderful. But how do we have that guarantee? I wish they would say, "We're selling the house, and we need you out by Christmas. If it doesn't sell by then, we'll take the consequence of not getting your rent check each month." Then, at least, it would be definite, and they would be the ones hurting, not us.

So I've decided not to worry about it right now. Last time was too stressful. I'm going to pretend like nothing is going on (and show a messy house with newborn diapers strewn about the living room) and not worry about finding a new place until they tell us we have to.

Fire Station Fun

On Saturday we went to the Forest Grove Fire Station open house. Alyssa was so excited, because the fire fighters visited her school last week. She and all the other girls are in love with Fire Fighter Chad. We tried to find him, but he wasn't working until Sunday. We also found out that he has a girlfriend. Too bad, little ladies.

Ethan loved all of the trucks. Trucks are his favorite things in the whole world. Here are the kids riding in the fire truck (which was very cool, by the way). Ethan doesn't look too excited, but I think he was just amazed at the whole situation to smile. He was also missing nap time.

Alyssa and Grandma Jacks went up in the manual lift. (We asked the guy what it what called.) I was too chicken. Plus, I didn't know if I could climb into the bucket. Apparently when they were at the top the guy told Diane that it's good I didn't go, because they've never delivered babies in the buckets before.

Finally!

Brian's parents are in town for the weekend, and yesterday Diane helped me finish decorating the living room. We decorated when we moved in, but then when we moved the computer desk, it needed "refreshing" and I just never got around to it. It was great having some help, because Diane though of some things that I never would have come up with. Also, she brought some vinyl lettering that my sister-in-law, Claire, made for me. Our house finally looks put together again! It's beautiful.

This is what you see as you walk through the front door.












The couch is to the left of you, and this is our "family wall" above the couch.













To the right is the fireplace and computer desk. The picture in the middle is a drawing of Heidelberg, Germany (where Brian was born) that we got at an estate sale. There was a letter tucked in the back from the Mom. I'm assuming she gave them the picture.









This is the dining room. The picture on the right is a Mary and baby Jesus picture that Brian got for me as a graduation present when he graduated from BYU.











And finally, still in the dining room, is the quote Claire made. It says, if you can't tell, "There is nothing more nourishing to the soul than family life." I love it!

Impatiently Waiting

I called my mom yesterday and complained, "Mom, I am so done being pregnant."

"Carrie," she said, "You've been saying that for the last few months." Actually, I think I've been saying it since I was about 7 weeks along.

I'm now 36 1/2 weeks along. I know, that's a great accomplishment. I'm almost there. Just 3 1/2 weeks to go. And honestly, I can say that things aren't going so bad. I'm not nearly as sick as I was with either Alyssa or Ethan. There's some organ on my right side that's being squished and is constantly hurting, but that's easy to deal with. I can take pain. I can last another 3 1/2 weeks, even if I might complain a little.

My real impatience is due to this VBAC I'm planning on. The doctor hasn't exactly said yes, and he hasn't exactly said no. He said that as long as my body is progressing and it looks like everything will be okay, then there's no reason not to try the VBAC. Three weeks ago I was thrilled with this answer, because I thought I was going to get an immediate "no." Yesterday, I was not so pleased.

Apparently my cervix is a little soft and a little shortened. So my body is making progress and working toward having this baby, but its not quite there yet. I know that it can take weeks to soften and dilate, or it could take minutes, so just because things aren't happening now, it doesn't mean that they won't happen soon. But yesterday the doctor said, "With things the way they are now, we'd be looking at a c-section...but we still have a few weeks left to go."

So that's the ultimatum. I've got to have this baby on my own (I don't know if it's by my due date, or if I get the two week window after the due date) or I'm going to have a c-section. Stink.

I'm crossing my fingers and cleaning and walking and hoping that this baby decides to come soon. I'm so excited to finally have a baby vaginally and get the chance to have that magic moment between husband, wife and baby when you first meet. I want to hold my baby before he's weighed and cleaned and wrapped in a little blanket. I can't wait to meet this little guy.

yummy, Yummy, YUMMY Brownies!

I've got to confess. I love brownies, but I really don't like homemade brownies. They always end up tasting too flour-y. I like to stick with Betty Crocker. When Cali posted her favorite brownie recipe, I believed that they would be good, but I wasn't expecting too much, since they're homemade. Oh my goodness. These brownies are delicious! I know we're not supposed to taste the batter (especially when pregnant) because of the raw eggs, but I did...and I didn't let Ethan help me scrape the bowl. So here's the recipe. Try them out; it'll make you happy.